


Bit of a Funny Mistake

by santino



Category: John Wick (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Mafia, Bachelor Party, Crossdressing Kink, Drunk Shenanigans, Gianna D'Antonio/Cassian (John Wick) - Freeform, M/M, Slight feminization, Weddings, jimmy and aurelio gets smacked around i am so sorry i swear it's funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 08:40:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12055332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/santino/pseuds/santino
Summary: "Correct me if I'm wrong," Aurelio groaned, alternating between putting his head between his knees and laying back onto the couch, a hand shielding his eyes in an effort to stave off his headache. John was surprised he managed to even speak anything more than three words. Aurelio brushed against his own mouth and flinched. "But did we just kidnap Gianna D'Antonio last night?"Jimmy was still out cold."Not exactly," John said, sipping his coffee."What does that mean?""It was the wrong girl."





	1. Chapter 1

"Is that her?" Aurelio was slurring, pointing at a woman by the fountain in a skimpy red dress, holding the wine glass the wrong way. Soft light from the fountain illuminated her skin.

"I don't know, maybe we should get closer." Jimmy was no better. He was tripping on his own shoes and was stooping so low he was nearly bent in half. John pulled him up by the elbow, saving him from planting his face on the cobblestone.

It was a bad idea. Halfway through Cassian's bachelor party, the two decided it would be funny to go and get Cassian's fiancee to surprise the future groom. Aurelio and Jimmy were reasonable men when sober, but they sure were a little misguided when drunk. Especially together. John thought the cold night air would clear their heads but apparently not. 

Leaving the club where the bachelor party was going on, they were just a few blocks away from where they were sure Gianna was out with her friends. 

Aurelio vomited by the curb. They were in a plaza, the streetlamps lighting the cobblestones, restaurants still open. It looked to be a nice atmosphere for a late night walk, and in truth John agreed to drive the two here to get a rest from the pounding music.

"You guys don't even know what she looks like?" John asked. He's only seen Gianna once before, when Cassian showed John a picture of her in his wallet. But that was only briefly, and even now the features were escaping him. 

"Uh. Pretty," Aurelio slurs. 

"Gonna need more than that."

"I don't know, Italian accent?"

"We're in Naples."

Aurelio heaved. Then, "I'm trying, okay?"

"What are you even going to do if you see her?"

"Ask her politely to come with us?"

John huffed through his nose. "Alright, let's go back now."

Aurelio didn't even argue. He was already turning to where John parked the car, but John realized they were short one person. "Where's Jimmy?" 

That-- Aurelio didn't hear him, opening the car door. He was getting inside when suddenly Jimmy was running towards them, the woman in the red dress slung on his shoulder. 

He couldn't even stand upright earlier, how could he have ran far enough carrying the...?

The woman was beating Jimmy's back, screaming in Italian. Jimmy threw her gently, though clumsily, onto the backseat, and John looked around to see if anybody noticed them. Jimmy yelled for John to start the car and closed the door. Fuck. They were going to be arrested by Italian police. Three Americans idiots, charged for--

"Did you just grab her and run?" Aurelio asked in between the woman smacking Jimmy. John was tempted to leave them, but he got in the car on passenger’s side, closing the door so not to alert anybody outside. "Jimmy, what the fuck!"

The woman was pointing at each of them with a furious expression, and the spitting of Italian words didn't abate. 

Oh no. This wasn't John's forte. Still he held out his hands in a placating manner. "Gianna, please, we're Cassian's friends. I'm sorry for this. Jimmy's had too much to drink, but we swear we mean no harm--"

"I am NOT Gianna!" 

John paused and took a moment to look at her. She had elegant black curls over her tanned shoulders, the slit of her dress dangerously high that John could see her upper thigh as she kicks Aurelio in the knee. Toned arms batting at Jimmy's face, cheeks flushed with anger, her red lips scowling in fury. And her eyes, sharp and striking. When those eyes fell back on him, he felt pinned.

She certainly looked like Gianna, but it was also clear it wasn't her. They had the same eyes, but this lady looked younger and had darker hair. Different nose.

"Are you sure?" Aurelio asked. She smacked him and had a few choice Italian words to spit on his face.

"I'm going to yell rape if you don't let me out!" Her voice was odd, breathy and a little too rich to be spoken in such a high pitch. John scrambled to open their door and help the lady out. She slapped him, then rearranged her dress before walking away. 

John pressed his forehead on the roof of the car for a moment. In the corner of his eye she was already disappearing into an establishment, her tanned legs taking her further away. Taking a deep breath, he switched to the driver's seat to take them back to their motel near the club. 

“But the party’s still--”

“Jimmy can barely breathe properly. I should take you two to the hospital--”

“Fine, fine, upstairs. Jeez, John.” Aurelio waved him away, plopping back to the headrest. Jimmy was still moaning, though John couldn't be sure if it were because he was in pain or because he was inebriated. Definitely both.

...

"Where's the two?" Marcus leaned against the bar, gin in one hand. In the background, there were whoops as Iosef danced on the table. This time the music was easier for John to handle. 

"Asleep." Or at least John hoped so. He considered staying with the two but thought to return to the party because it was still pretty early. Besides, Marcus was good company.

"Where did you even go anyways?"

John's cheek was still buzzing from that slap. "Don't ask."

Marcus chuckled. John turned around to look at the crowd, his back to the bar. Cassian and Gianna were in the corner, at a table, talking quietly to themselves. It seems Gianna came here on her own. She was already here when John came back.

Marcus caught him looking and mistook it for thoughtfulness. "Didn't think he'd be the one to settle down, huh?"

John grunted. Marcus started on a spiel about being too old and life in solitary, and John wasn't visibly responding, but Marcus was used to this and kept on talking, knowing John was listening. 

It was a worn conversation, after all.

But perhaps this time he wasn't. Under the flashing neon lights, he stared at Gianna and her dark, long hair, her striking eyes, the curve of her lips. The way she always had her chin up, the arch of her eyebrows.

Marcus was now waving a hand around as he tells a story about a girlfriend he had in the 80’s when John watched a drunk girl trip onto Cassian. Cassian helped the lady up, though she seemed to have gotten in a few gropes. 

John would have missed it if he weren't watching for Gianna's reaction. Her eyes flashed onto the girl in silent warning. The lady positively scrambled away. 

Huh.

"Marcus, does Gianna have a sister?"

Marcus blinked at the non sequitur. Then, "Not that I know of."

Hm. Maybe it really was just a coincidence--

"Though she has a brother," Marcus added.

John's eyebrows raised. He sipped his drink and turned away from the crowd, tuning in to the rest of Marcus’ story.

***

As expected, the bruises looked horrible morning come. Aurelio had a dark bruise at the side of his mouth and that split lip. Jimmy had a black eye, bruised arm, and at one angle, John could see he had a bald spot. Damn, that lady hit hard.

By the time John came back with a cup of coffee, Aurelio was already waking up. John pushed the glass of water to him, but he ignored it, leaning back on the couch. John waited.

"Correct me if I'm wrong," Aurelio groaned, alternating between putting his head between his knees and laying back onto the couch, a hand shielding his eyes in an effort to stave off his headache. John was surprised he managed to even speak anything more than three words. Aurelio brushed against his own mouth and flinched. "But did we just kidnap Gianna D'Antonio last night?" 

Jimmy was still out cold.

"Not exactly," John said, sipping his coffee. 

"What does that mean?"

"It was the wrong girl."

"Oh lord." Aurelio drank his water. He swallowed audibly. "Please tell me we let her go."

"Yeah. She beat you two pretty hard."

"That's unfair, why not you too?"

John shrugged. He got slapped, he thought that was fair share. "Still waiting for the police to arrest us. Pretty sure she memorized our plate number."

"That wasn't even ours."

"Or went to the police and had them sketch our faces. Wanted: sex offenders."

"If anything," Aurelio audibly swallowed. "I'm blaming Jimmy. He gets jail."

John sipped his coffee. He agrees.

 

Jimmy woke up much later on, and seemed to have remembered exactly nothing of what happened the previous night. But the bruises were proof enough, and when Jimmy rolled his shirt up, John could see a nasty contusion by his ribs. John could remember the lady's high heel digging into Jimmy when she kicked him in his midsection. 

Maybe Jimmy really should have went to the hospital. 

Still, Jimmy refused and said he was okay, just smacked around, and if that wasn't the truth. Aurelio snickered, and it would've been effective if not for the way he winced at even moving his mouth.

Noon trickled into afternoon, and John left the two to take a walk of his own. No arrests yet. He watched the sunset by the water with his hands shoved deep into his pockets. When the sun was fully sunk and the stars took place in the sky, John went back to the plaza from the previous night.

It was the same scene, but this time, John took a seat outside of a quaint little restaurant, under an opened umbrella, and ordered himself dinner. Ate. Looked around. Finished his dinner. Ordered a drink. Looked around.

By half past nine, he left the restaurant to loiter around the streets. He entered a bookstore that surprisingly scheduled open until very late hours. He left at ten. Looked around. Still no sign of her.

By eleven he gave up and went back to the motel. He still had a wedding to go to the next day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Age gap between Santino and John is the same as canon :)
> 
> At the end, there's a bit of a pronoun change. You'll catch it. Warning for sexual content.

Gianna D'Antonio looked like a diamond wrapped in fur. Nothing much usually took John's attention, but he knew when glitter sparkled. And glitter she did. The organ played, and Cassian waited for her as she took her last steps towards him, the long glimmering train behind her sweeping flowers thrown by the little flower girls.  
  
They were in the San Gennaro Cathedral, the pews filled with what John knew were ninety-percent Gianna's relatives, friends,and associates. Jasmine and roses were artfully arranged along the aisle. So were the raised bouquet behind John.  
  
Santino D'Antonio sneezed where he stood beside John.  
  
He'd been introduced to Gianna's younger brother earlier. Curly black hair gelled to perfection, thick masculine brows arched much like Gianna's, his jaw covered by a light stubble. His eyes had looked at John in that lazy, half-lidded way when he shook his hand in a firm grip, mouth forming into that easy smile that bordered into sleazy. _"Ciao, John."_  
  
_"How old is he?" John had asked Marcus._

 _"25," Marcus replied._  
  
Santino sneezed again into his handkerchief.  
  
John couldn't resist. "Are you okay?" He whispered.  
  
"Yes."  Another sneeze.  
  
"You have allergies?" John looked behind Santino at the huge bouquet of jasmine and roses. "Want to switch places?" Not that it would help, but. They could try.  
  
"I said I'm fine." Santino's tone was biting. He glared at John. "Mr. Wick."  
  
And yes alright, John wasn't gonna push-- He went absolutely still. 

‘ _I am NOT Gianna!’_  
  
… _Her eyes_ , _sharp and striking_. _When those eyes fell back to him_ , _he felt pinned_.  
  
In the background, the ceremony continued flawlessly. Sermon had started, the priest's voice carried by the church's architectural acoustics. The warm light from the windows of San Gennaro Cathedral fell upon Santino's tanned skin, making his features softer, and John's mouth opened in a silent gasp.  
  
Santino caught the look. His eyes widened. John opened his mouth again, and Santino glared at him. Not a goading for John to say it, because god forbid anybody goaded John to do _anything_.  
  
John knew well enough Santino couldn't afford that.  
  
**  
  
"That was you," John said, much later, when the ceremony had ended and they were in the D'Antonio's mansion for the reception. Santino had followed him to the men's room, closing the door shut behind him. Santino's eyebrow lifted. "The woman from the other night," John added. "You really did a number on my friends."  
  
Santino waved his hand away dismissively. "They deserved it." No point in denial, not with the level of certainty John showed. So far, neither Aurelio nor Jimmy even looked at Santino twice, and that was. Easier. Two less people to negotiate with. "What do you want?" Santino asked John, hands on his hips.  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Yes, you, _coglione_. What do you want in exchange for keeping my secret?"  
  
A beat. "I wasn't going to out you."  
  
Santino's eyes narrowed. He laughed. "Don't act coy." Everything had a price in this world. "Name it. Money? Promotion? I can give it to you."  
  
"You don't have anything I want, Santino." John bristled. "’Sides, I already told you I wasn't going to tell your secret- just wanted to make sure it was you." 

A beat. Santino smirked bitterly. He walked closer and gave John's lapel a quick tug. "And why's that? Hm?"

 

And why _was_ that? John couldn't think of an answer. Just simple curiosity? In this proximity, he could smell Santino. Expensive perfume and something more… _him_ underneath. John’s breathing hitched. Santino heard it loud and clear, and John’s eyes watched his lips curl up into a knowing smile. Santino didn't need an answer.  
  
“I know men like you,” Santino drawled, accent making his words stir something in John. That hand was now toying with the buckle of his belt, another on the plane of his stomach where Santino had unbuttoned John's jacket. "That first night, you knew what I was, didn't you? But there was still _interest_ in your eyes--" ... _watching her tanned legs walk away_... "Bet you like that, don't you? A boy in a tight dress, lipstick on your dick while you stroke mine. But you didn't realize that yet, until you met me. I can see it in your eyes right now." A chuckle. "You're so confused."  
  
A beat. John didn't say anything.  
  
Santino had more to say. "Why did you come back to the plaza last night?"  
  
John swallowed. A million reasons. "As you said," was what came out of his lips.  
  
A slow smile, as if Santino was saying, _There we go._  
  
"I know men like you," Santino said again. Then he grazed his mouth against John's beard. John could feel that smirk pressed against his cheek. Santino whispered in his ear: “I _fuck_ men like you.” A hand on John's tented crotch.  
  
John grabbed his wrist, pulling Santino’s hand away. Santino pulled back in surprise. He dropped his wrist and held Santino’s cheek instead, thumb on his lower lip.  
  
Santino opened his mouth and sucked on John’s thumb, tongue flicking on the pad. John let out a ragged breath and there was a beat where he could only feel Santino sucking his digit, mind completely blank but for the feel of his wet lips when it occurred to John he could have that mouth somewhere else, and then he pulled Santino to the nearest cubicle.  
  
John sat on the covered toilet and Santino knelt between his legs, unbuckling John’s belt and dragging the zipper down like a child opening his birthday gift.  
  
Santino let out a pleased sound as he finally got John's length out on his hand, hard and heavy. He kept a hand on Santino’s curls as the younger man sucked on his tip, pulled back and ran his tongue around the head and down the balls.  
  
"Suck."  
  
A vibration on his dick as Santino chuckled again, swallowing him halfway, a hand stroking what his mouth couldn't take.  
  
"You know what I was going to do if I saw you last night?" At the plaza, in another tight dress. John's voice had gone deeper, as Santino continued to choke on him. Santino looked up at John through his ridiculously thick eyelashes, lips stretched wide around John's dick. "Buy you a drink."  
  
Santino moaned, signalling John to continue.  
  
"Put a hand on your bare thigh." John dropped his head back as he started to remember Santino in that dress but Santino suddenly stopped and John took that as cue to keep watching him. "Take you somewhere private. Or not so private."  
  
He gripped on Santino's hair tighter and that's when he pushed him down to take more of him. Santino put both hands on John's thighs and John can feel him make an effort to relax his throat. When Santino looks up at him, those pretty green eyes were wet with tears.  
  
John started to thrust, slowly, gently. Then he continued: "I'd put a hand up your dress. Get my hand inside your panties." Santino groaned, finally slipping a hand inside his pants to stroke himself. John just ran his hand on Santino's strained jaw. "I'll take your panties off. Put them in your mouth."  
  
"Bend you over," John was gasping now, as Santino's throat tightened around him. "Fuck your ass." In this fantasy, he won't touch Santino's cock, just to preserve the illusion. "Make you come on my dick only. Make you scream." Santino was making a noise that was close to a whimper and John could only hold Santino's head and fuck that luscious mouth.  
  
"F-fuck," He was so close. He couldn't look away from those eyes. John could feel Santino just needed a little push, a little… "You suck my cock so well, babygirl," was out of his lips and John surprised even himself as he said it.  
  
Santino pulled off John's cock and let out a high cry, hips stuttering as he spilled onto the tiles of the men's room.  
  
Hair was sticking on Santino's forehead and John pushed it back, one hand on his own cock, stroking himself to completion. Santino was a little dazed, eyes glazed and mouth open, but he flinched when John came on his cheek.  
  
John pulled him up onto his lap and licked his own spend from Santino's jaw, cleaning him up. A little was on Santino's mouth and he licked that as well, kissing him. Santino allowed him.  
  
  
Later, Santino has righted himself, washing his hands in front of the mirror, with John leaning against the wall, doing his best to brush off the creases on his own suit. John asked, "Can I at least have your number?"  
  
Santino raised his eyebrow again and gave him another one of those smiles. "Be seeing you, John." Then left without saying anything else, or even leaving a card.  
  
John sighed.  
  
***  
  
**New York.** A month later.  
  
"Come on, it's Friday. I even invited Jimmy." Aurelio leaned his hip on the hood of John's car, and John scoffed a little from where he was under it.  
  
"Don't think that was supposed to tempt me."  
  
"Why not? Don't you miss Jimmy? Or going out to have a cold one with us?"  
  
"If you fail to remember what happened last time…"  
  
"I remember it perfectly, and I recall you barely even got a _scratch_ from that woman. So."  
  
John went silent. “I meant that it could have gotten us in police trouble.”  
  
" _Jimmy_ is police here. Come on, John."  
  
John sighed. "Alright."  
  
...  
  
They went to a bar this time. A little understated, but the collection was good, and the crowd wasn't pressing in on him on all times. John had been here before plenty times. The bartender waved at him when he entered.  
  
There was a game on the TV mounted on the far wall. The bartender gave him a beer first and John smiled at the lady before turning his attention to the screen. Jimmy and Aurelio were seated in front of him where he was sitting with an elbow on the counter.  
  
The bar was slowly filling up as the game progressed. The two had bet on opposing teams. John pled neutrality when they asked, though when they insisted, he sided with Jimmy.  
  
"I'm going to get all your damn fucking money," Aurelio rubbed his fingers mockingly in front of their faces.  
  
Middle of the game and the odds were in Aurelio's favor. Jimmy was scratching his head and Aurelio was laughing at their faces when the bartender slid a glass of bourbon in front of John.  
  
"I didn't…"  
  
"Pretty babe in the back ordered it for ya." She winked, grinning, pointed to the corner of the bar with a jut of her chin.  
  
_Oh._

And there she was. Red light from the neon sign washed her skin, her bare shoulders. Her legs were crossed, and her dress had another slit dangerously high that maybe if John could tilt his head to the side far enough, he could see even more…  
  
"Thanks, Lia." John grabbed the glass.  
  
"Not me you have to thank." the bartender ribbed.  
  
Another cursory look at his friends and Lia assured him she'll deal with it, and John was off to walk across the bar towards _her._    
  
The woman had her piercing eyes on him. Watched him navigate his way towards her, and it didn't fail to make John feel caught, like a fish reeled towards its captor.  
  
John placed his glass on her table and stood awkwardly before she gestured for him to sit beside her. He immediately went, sidled up against her, a hand on her bare thigh.  
  
"You look so good." Her dress, forest green, brought out her pretty eyes so perfectly.  
  
"Course I do," her rosy lips twitched.  
  
John dared to bury his nose behind her ear. "You smell so good," he rasped.  
  
"Course I do," she chuckled, breathy.  
  
"Didn't think you'd be here."  
  
Santino hummed.  
  
John swept her dark curls to one shoulder and kissed her nape surreptitiously. She pushed him away.  
  
"Not here," she said.  
  
John swallowed. "Somewhere private?" Under the table, his hand was up her dress, groping her inner thigh and surprisingly, she pulled his hand higher. He could feel the lace of her panties. He pulled it testingly.  
  
She turned her head to brush her lips against his. "You don't even know my name yet."  
  
"I'll ask you later."  
  
"Hm. Okay." Her nails traced a line on John's thigh and his dick twitched. She looked at him through those lashes with a coy smile. "Somewhere private," she whispered against his lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The other week, I saw a picture of Riccardo where he had a full-on make up. I wondered if he has ever done drag haha. Because if he did, oh god he would be drop dead gorgeous. And here it is.
> 
> Many thanks to my friend Alia ;) and Stiles. This of course was inspired by manic_intent's works. A bit at the end with Lia the bartender was inspired by bachaboska's The Continentale :)

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me on twitter: @santinodantonio  
> and on tumblr: @richmafiason


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